Goodbyes

The last time she spoke to me she told me that the nightmares were back. And she asked me to bring her some Tropica. The second last time she was confused, and thought that she saw her granny standing outside the door. She called 'gogo!' and I held her hand and told her that her granny would be there later. Today I held her hand and stroked her bald little head. I told her I am there and I am always thinking of her. But I do not know if she heard me.

The end seems to be close now.

She is unconscious, breathes with difficulty, and has no movement of the right side of her body. After my emotional goodbye I found myself, on my way home today, wondering what I would want if she was my child. If I would be able to watch her slowly drifting away, unsure if her nightmares were even now torturing her during her last few days?hours? If I would approach the doctor and ask if there was an easy way to end her suffering? I am not one to easily speak out on contentious issues like euthanasia, but in this case... knowing that she is probably suffering, knowing that there is really no hope for cure...

I left the hospital with a very heavy heart - knowing that her bed may be empty when I return on Tuesday. But I will never forget her, never forget the unexpected special companionship we shared. I may not be a better doctor but I will forever be a richer person for having known her.